Diary of a Mad Sista

2010-02-21T17:13:00.000-08:00

really great film available from P.O.V.'s library on the schooling of emotionally disturbed and traumatized children.

Rachel Corrie

2006-03-24T19:16:00.000-08:00

I went to the Rachel's Words event at Riverside Church. I went to be inspired by someone who gave her life in the obligation to fight for justice. Rachel was murdered and crushed by an Isreali bull-dozer while trying to stop the demolition of the home of a family she knew.
The New York Theatre Workshop cancelled the scheduled production of "My Name is Rachel Corrie" this month apparently due to political pressure.

I wanted to share my tid bits of notes from the event and certain points that struck a cord in me.

*********************************************
Rachel's Words:
[February 27, 2003]

If any of us had our lives and welfare completely strangled, lived with children in a shrinking place where we knew, because of previous experience, that soldiers and tanks and bulldozers could come for us at any moment and destroy all the greenhouses that we had been cultivating for however long, and did this while some of us were beaten and held captive with 149 other people for several hours - do you think we might try to use somewhat violent means to protect whatever fragments remained? I think about this especially when I see orchards and greenhouses and fruit trees destroyed - just years of care and cultivation. I think about you and how long it takes to make things grow and what a labour of love it is. I really think, in a similar situation, most people would defend themselves as best they could. I think Uncle Craig would. I think probably Grandma would. I think I would.

[February 28, 2003]

I know that the situation gets to them - and may ultimately get them - on all kinds of levels, but I am nevertheless amazed at their strength in being able to defend such a large degree of their humanity - laughter, generosity, family-time - against the incredible horror occurring in their lives and against the constant presence of death. I felt much better after this morning. I spent a lot of time writing about the disappointment of discovering, somewhat first-hand, the degree of evil of which we are still capable. I should at least mention that I am also discovering a degree of strength and of basic ability for humans to remain human in the direst of circumstances - which I also haven’t seen before. I think the word is dignity.

************************************************
Suheir Hammad's Poem, "On the Brink Of...":
...
What do I tell young people about non-violence when they can see
for themselves
how even orange bright and megaphone loud
and cameras and US citizenship will
not stop your murder?
...
It is hard not to hate right now. But I
have been loved, I have loved and I know
that those who de-humanize their enemy are
only doing so to themselves.
Peace work is justice work is God's work.
...
On the brink of war, may we remember how divine
human beings can be.

**************************************************
Here are my scattered notes:
All people, in all countries, deserve the same justice./
Use racism against itself. expose it./
No one was listening./
This is not a struggle between Muslims and Christians against Jews. It is a struggle for freedom against occupation./
Murder of a population under cover of righteousness./
Go against everything that makes a jew a jew./

This was the first time I ever heard the palestinian comedian, Maysoon Zayid. She spoke of how she was interviewed for 20/20 and it was right after Rachel Corrie's murder, so she wore a t-shirt with Rachel's picture on it. And the interviewer was finally like, "What's up with your shirt?" And she said something to the effect of "I am a comedian, and I enjoy life. But I'm really touched by what this girl did. And I wanted to remember that." [She was by the way totally edited OUT of the interview] This woman has cerebral palsy and she is brilliant. I just read an interview with her, she says she loves Jon Stewart. She runs an art program in Palestine for refugee and disabled children. I've been thinking alot about the power of laughter... its like Jon Stewart watches some stupid media clip and instead of being dismayed and shocked at the stupidity of the world he totally obliterates it's authority by making fun of it. Comedy is brilliant. Mad props to this rising star.

I remember getting the chance to talk to Martin Macwan, an activist from India, when I was working for ActionAid. He told me that when he interviews people he wants to know if they are angry. That Anger is something that can be channelled into energy. I remember thinking, I don't think anger is ever positive; I think anger is debilitating. But then again, if one has no sense of outrage, no sense of right and what is dignified; what will move them to act for change?
**************
And if [after injury] you seek retribution, catch them out no worse than they catch you out:
But if ye show patience, that is indeed the best (course) for those who are patient.
-- Quran (16:126)

There are two standards of justice: One is equal retribution; the other, the higher standard, is forgiveness. Self-defense is basic. Just action requires sincerity.

PEACE

2006-03-24T18:31:00.000-08:00

A while ago.. i was praying [the formal islamic prayer] and after i finished, i told my sister that i felt so good. That i felt really calm and that i hoped that i could die with this feeling. It was a soft, serene, calm night after some really rough and anxious times at home.... I felt at that moment that I understood what my purpose was. The purpose of life is to worship the Creator, and serve his creation.

And i think its tough to serve... and God's creation isn't always so kind. People really try you. I remember watching Million Dollar Baby.. and crying my brains out because that girl was so alone and her life was so limited... but in the end all of us are so limited; we leave behind small moments of kindness; we leave behind our love with those we love. [i was devastated... no one is ever going to love me... not even Clint Eastwood because I dont even know how to box!]

To worship is to struggle for sincerity in all endeavors.
To Worship is to Live.

Faith

2006-02-07T15:32:00.000-08:00

This is an excerpt from my Aquidah/Fundamentals of Belief class at the Islamic Learning Foundation. I talk about the acceptance of actions based on faith...

I am constantly amazed and reminded of how balanced and comprehensive Islam is. In all honesty, I find that I have to constantly relearn these same lessons.

I think a lot about the concepts of Iman (faith) and Islam (practice). I am afraid of Islam (practice) with out Iman (faith). This class has given me some interesting food for thought on these concepts. That one reinforces and replenishes the other. And that one with out the other is deficient.

I recognize Islam as being the system prescribed by Allah (swt) to cultivate and express Iman (faith). It is a system that correlates with the nature of human beings. Yet it scares me to think that Aqidah is the condition for the validity and acceptance of actions by Allah (swt) because it makes me think of all the hard working and sincere people I know who don’t proclaim the Islamic Religion. I would like to believe that they are on the fitrah and that they do some how have Iman. (“Eman has more than seventy branches…the lowest of them is to remove any harmful object from the road, and modesty is a branch of Eeman, 175”) I want to believe that somehow their good actions will be accepted. I’m not exactly sure that a non-muslim necessarily falls into the category of disbeliever. I find comfort in the fact that ultimately Allah is the all Aware, and the Best Judge.

Rubble

2005-12-19T08:12:00.000-08:00

Remember when we,
hand in hand,
walked through waves of people on First Avenue.
The blistering cold froze
our feet.
Whose streets are these?
OURS!
Thinking of green Afghani eyes,
shivering blue women without homes,
cluster bombs and land mines.
And the time we danced our way,
silhouetted by the sunshine,
down to Time Square. We knew kids in Baghdad
had just watched their skies
light on fire.
If you think protests are inconvenient, what must Iraqis think of
500-pound bombs?
Cuz there was some greedy bastard on T.V.
grinning with pride for the latest artillery, along
with the African American in particular,
answering questions in marine uniform.
Don't worry. The oil fields will be left
in tact.
Ramadan came and Ramadan left with
new clothes on Eid, and forced smiles.
We stood shoulder to shoulder, foot to foot,
standing in
silence.
We walked down Chambers St, the breeze carrying
the smell of roasted nuts with us, past the coffee shop that wraps
birthday roses for high school friends and
football players during homecoming, past blocks full of
rubble and loss, to remind us that vengeance HAS to have
limits. But they
forgot.

-Iffat

Being Played

2005-09-21T20:49:00.000-07:00

I need to spill... here are my two cents about division of labor, valued work and not valued work: It seems that few acknowledge the value of the work women have traditionally done. [cooking and cleaning, raising children, changing diapers...] Most of the things that need to be taken care of before all other work and intellectual pursuits. People are at times paid for this sort of work as Janitors, cheifs, social workers, etc. Most of the work that mothers perform is as challenging and as strenuous in the intellectual realm as any other.

Mothers have served the serious role of social worker for centuries. Makes me think of my grandmother (who happens to be illiterate) - She was one of my best and few confidants growing up. She paid such close attention to the things I said and did, and proved incredibly perceptive to my needs. I was able to talk to her about most aspects of my life though many would assume that our lives and worldviews are radically different. The black female character in the Sound and the Fury reminds me of her- always so calm, always busy doing what she saw needed to be done, while those around her went through their mental traumas and depressions.There are also other black characters in the literature that I've read that remind me of her. The women who during slavery are put in charge of all the slave children to suckle them...

So this woman has served this amazing purpose in my life and in the lives of so many of her children and grand children (7 kids and 24 grandchildren) -- and all, i suppose, so that I could go out into the world with two planted feet; to give me the security that only a sound heart and mind can bring...

Cleaning is a part of life, and its scary that others have a hard time recognizing that. I think chores are good in the sense that they give you something less stressful to focus on . Many people tell me that cooking helps them feel more calm. And as someone whose lived on their own I must say that the skills of cooking and shopping are a must.

So perhaps anyone who doesn't have a well balanced life is missing out. I dont mind cleaning at home, but when I do it ALL , I can't help but feel played.
The way I cope is I pretend I live by myself or I tell myself that if I had an apt all to myself, the I would be doing the same. (of course it would be a whole lot less dirt to deal with)...
Even at work when we have to help maintain the office, my Boss, who is a big human rights activist, stresses that both cleaning and writing proposals are types of work. I try not to degrade what others see as petty and insignificant. Besides its hard to focus on writing proposals non-stop, so breaks to clean coffee mugs, fill the brita, or vacuum are in order.

At home, I find strong advocates for the division of labor. It seems I was born with the innate ability to sweep and mop. Its true that you can only appreciate the work of another when you've had to do it yourself.

Its funny because I think this lack of balance is regrettable. It makes me chuckle to think of my grandfather throwing a fit because everyone at home is going out for the afternoon- "Wait! Whose going to take care of me?" just because he's so used to having someone else put his bread in the toaster for him. Sometimes, I think I can buy into this folklore of where I belong and what I should be doing because it helps me be a coward. I can be a nobody stuck in my own little bubble without having to worry about what goes on in the rest of the world. Am I being denied from pleasure, opportunity, and experience, or saved from undue burdens?

"I don't have to contribute:" translates into "I don't have anything to contribute", and maybe I like it that way. It's the easy way out. I can wash pots for the rest of my life and Do things instead of having to think about things. I can be a zombee, and be perfectly content. I feel that way sometimes about kungfu. I can just relax and have fun-- assert myself in a different way and watch myself grow. I want to swim because underwater I can leave all my petty problems on the tiles.
There is a catch to this shutting off mentality. Just because your not paying attention to whats around you, doesn't mean your surroundings wont affect you. Shutting off doesn't make for being good mothers either. [and being a good mother comes second to being a good humanbeing/muslim in my book] Not being a part of the world your child lives in, only makes you irrelevant. Everyone has a stake in society, but who will take heed and assume the responsibility of vicegerant? Who will think outside of their homes and themselves?

Is it our responsibilty as Muslims?
only as men?

Some do not have the luxury or the burden of participation. They are too poor and too busy. Others are amply denied it for no other reason then the limiting mentalities/cultures of their families and even themselves.

What is life?
cooking
cleaning
family
friends
work